Once again Drew takes us through some necessities for the Zombie Apocalypse!
With winter rapidly approaching, if not already firmly in place, the zombie incursion is sure to slow to a frosty crawl, if not halting altogether from the weather. If you live someplace that gets properly cold, then you can breath a little easier for a few months. They may be undead, but most theorists agree that Zombies are still shackled by the laws of physics. Being rendered to little more than frozen Zombie-pops from the cold weather should make life much easier for you, letting you get on with your routine while thinning the zombie horde significantly in the process.
However, taking off frozen Zombie heads isn’t exactly like knocking a mailbox off it’s perch like you may or may not have done with your buddies at some point in your life. You’re going to need something with a little more “Oomph” than your usual “Purpose Driven Bat” (see: Spike Bat pic below) Something like, say, Cold Steels Gunstock War Club. 
On the other hand you may want to keep your distance, depending on how zombification actually spreads – or maybe you want to keep that new suit you just looted looking nice for as long as possible. Whatever the reason, hop on over to whatever is left of the local hardware store and see if you can’t muster up this little beastie from the gardening department.
Oh yes, a Power Pruner.
If you’re feeling extravagant (or…artistic? Ick!), they come with a variety of attachments, and oh yes, articulated as well.
This however brings up an interesting question. It is pretty safe to assume that your local Home Depot isn’t going to be the usual walk in and walk out routine. It’s probably going to be:
1) A looted and burnt husk.
2) An amply stocked gold mine of everything you need to ride this out with parking lot full of abandoned APC’s, and a blue light special on Zombies who are literally clogging up the place. (and this is why you stay away from any retailer on Z-Day.)
3) An impenetrable fortress with a very well established perimeter and a whole festival of death cobbled together from a warehouse full of power-tools and manned by rednecks, arm chair commandos, mall ninjas, and one very lucky chiropractor, makking the compound from The Road Warrior look like a hot-dog stand.
If you are faced with the either of the first two options, well, tough luck – get some coveralls because it looks like you are batting clean-up from here on out. If you’re faced with option 3, then this is going to be a tough nut to crack. Once again we turn to the Germans, but for something completely different: Beer.
Quick history lesson: The fermentation process by which most of the beer brewed in North America is made is based on a process developed by the Germans, who were spreading the love (according to Wikipedia) as far back as 3000 BC!
If you’ve got a hotplate and an square foot of space in your safe house, you’re sitting on a gold mine my friend. The folks over at the Brooklyn Brew Shop can get you everything you need for a mere $30! Even Popular Mechanics agrees “It’s one of the only things you can use for money in the aftermath.”, and heck, they’ll even tech you how to do it!
Now, that’s all good and well, but how – you may wonder – are you going carry your liquid currency and all your usual gear? You may need to dispose of all your hard work in a hurry (it’s heavy stuff) and still be able to use both hands. The Beer Bandolier has you covered!
Sure there are other versions of this baby on the market made of neoprene and other fun stuff, but they all have zippers and while they may carry batter, the contents are hard to get at. The ace up the sleeve with this one is that it will also provide the wearer the capacity to have six Molotovs at the ready. SIX!
Do you play Left 4 Dead? You get one. ONE! Well placed it can be incredibly useful and a ton of fun! Now imagine having six. That’s a party, no matter how you slice it.
If you are, on the other hand, one of those (formerly) lucky enough to be living in warmer climates, well then you’d better hope all those hours on the treadmill at 24 Hour Fitness count for something, as you’ll likely still be running most places due in part to your complete lack of actual winter and in part to the population density that probably made your Z-Day slightly more exciting than say… some place like Eyebrow.
Depending on your local variety of zombie, the fastest way to safety is up. Zombies have difficulty with the delicate art of locomotion, so defying gravity is going to be out of the question. If you find yourself in a tight urban environment, bridging the gaps between roofs and buildings is going to be key (and if you are someplace more rural, you’re going to need to get to the top of that grain elevator), and thanks to the folks at Rescue Solutions International, you can save your shoulders for head bashing, and get that rope where it needs to be with all the effort and grace of Batman. Behold: The Assault Launcher Max.
Really, what needs saying? You’ve always wanted one. There it is. Done.
And of course there’s more, there’s always more. But we can’t put it all out on the table at once, now can we?NC
Part #2 By Drew Hildebrand, graphics by Evan Zebley & Drew Hildebrand
This article made me think back to the book World War Z . Great book! Really fun read.
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