Part #1 By Drew Hildebrand, graphics by Evan Zebley

So, you’re enjoying your morning coffee when you casually glace outside and notice your neighbors stumbling around their yard and groaning as though they’d spent the previous evening at a bachelor party held in the Thunderdome and then wrapped things up by falling down several flights of stairs.

For those who live in a college town this might be a completely regular occurrence.
Except that today there’s something unmistakably different. It could be that it’s the middle of the week, and this sort of thing is usually reserved for the weekends. It could be the complete lack of empty alcohol vessels littering the yard. Then again, it could be that they appear to be gnawing on the paperboy. Zombies.

No matter how implausible, it can still helpful to consider the situation. Zombies provide the medium to consider the unthinkable in terms of ones own disaster preparedness, or can provide a fun way to kill time with a “what if…” kind of scenario. In any case, here are some items you might find indispensable for the undead incursion.

They say a man’s home is his castle. Unfortunately most modern homes aren’t made of stone and surrounded by a moat (sigh) and if we’re honest that vinyl siding may clean up well, but it’s not really going to put up much of a fight against the undead, or the rest of your neighborhood as panic ensues.

Worry no longer. Berry Plastics in a partnership with the U.S. Army Corp of Engineers has come up with bomb proof wallpaper! While it may not stop everything, it would provide the much needed extra time you might need to get your escape plan in gear.

Speaking of which…how are you going to get out of this mess?

Easy. The Germans.

If you don’t have the cash for that armored Hummer, look no further than the tried and true Unimog. It’s cheap(er) It’s simple. It will run on anything, and it’s about as tough as the proverbial coffin nail.

…and it’s a Mercedes. Honestly, what more do you need?

Then for that little extra “something” when it comes to carving your way through the hordes of the undead, no matter what you’re driving, Mattracks has you covered.

Now, eventually you’re going to need to do some breaking, whether it be doors, locks, or zombie skulls.

Now we get to the real goods:

Demolition Hammer:
This needs no explanation. Open Sesame!
Breacher Bar:
Think of it as the Demo Hammers more subtle, concealable little brother
Zombie Tools:
Hopefully one never has to get to the point of melee with the undead. But better safe than Zombie chow, right? Answering the call is Zombie Tools
Wiley X goggles:
Eyes, though potentially plentiful in a Zombie event, are not exactly easily replaceable. Better to keep the ones you’ve got as safe as they can be. WileyX are freakishly durable, surviving trips through running jet engines and multiple IED’s among other things.
Chainmail Carvers Gloves:
Hands are useful, and no one wants to go down from a bite to the hand.
Water Filter
There are a ton of these on the market. Get one.

Kevlar Lined Sweatshirt:
Body Armor can be pricey stuff, and hopefully all you need to stop is teeth, so how about something a little more discreet?

Firepower:
Firearms are a touchy subject to many, but in a Zombie scenario they’re a no-brainer (pun intended). According to The Zombie Survival Guide a high rate of fire will do little more than attract attention and get you dead, so what you want is something reasonably accurate and simple. NC has an article on the subject HERE. May I recommend anything by Springfield Armory or these little numbers from Ironridge Arms.

Soundtrack:
3 words: Austrian Death Machine. It’s metal based on the most memorable Schwarzenegger lines in cinematic history. Turn it up and bring it on.